A Dumb Priest Never Got A Parish
3 stories we tell ourselves to avoid asking for what we want
Story 1: I want to come across as in-demand, if I reach out to people I’ll seem needy.
You’ll only seem needy if you are needy. If you are making offers or inviting people to connect with you from a calm, confident, and centered place, knowing you won’t be emotionally dysregulated by their response (relieved by a yes, rejected by a no), then the right people will pick up on that and respond to you in kind. However you will be misunderstood by some and if they don’t receive you the way you genuinely intended, then that’s theirs not yours.
Story 2: I don’t want people to think I’m pushy/salesy.
Commerce, i.e. exchanging value, for example; I provide a service in exchange for currency, is neutral. Being good at selling and being a predatory salesperson are two different things. A good salesperson is sensitive to the power dynamic between them and the buyer. A predatory one uses power imbalance to their advantage. Many buyers find a direct sales conversation confrontational, which leads to their rational brain going offline as they switch into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Your job as an ethical salesperson is to keep the conversation feeling calm and safe and to give the buyer the space and pace they need to make a wise decision for themselves. You can simultaneously be an altruistic person and be good at selling what you do.
Story 3: I don’t want to make people uncomfortable by being too direct.
Everyone needs to put on their big girl pants and get comfortable with saying no to each other. It’s not your job to worry about somebody else’s challenge with politely declining a request from you.
So my invitation is to ask for or offer something today. Ask someone to meet you for coffee, ask someone for advice, offer your help/advice/services, ask someone to introduce you to someone, ask someone to get on a call with you, ask someone to start a business with you, ask someone out… Be bold, I bet you’re great.
Gemma xx
